What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 07:45
I was scared of men, in general
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
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The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
When she asked me how she looked .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
How did Nickelback gain a large fan base despite criticism of their music?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I will be 64.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
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She wouldn,t have been !
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My life is so biszare .
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My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She married twice! .
Why do you allow your cat to lie in bed with you?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
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But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
If women aren't shallow, why do most tall, good-looking men have girlfriends?
We all went to grammer schools
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
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I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Would you date/marry a guy younger than you? If no, why not?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I said to her
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But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was seconnd youngest,
She loved him until the end.
What do porn stars do when they get old?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was 9 years of age.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I think the readers, may guess!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Would this be the day?
But it wasn’t much.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And i lived it daily.
But, we were locked up after school.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
This is soul school!.
As i do to all so called friends.?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
So whats the point in blame.
Put me off passion for life!!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I couldn’t, believe it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
What did i know ?
It was going to be , some day.
We were not on the streets..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
(And it was in our own minds.)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Ive learnt so much.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I write beautiful poetry .
All the time i was locked up.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im still living with it.
One cannot live in the past .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I waited trembling.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Who then, do I blame.?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My family never makes their pension either.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I don,t even have a pension.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He knew the spot.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Comes on , in middle age.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I have no regrets .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She was in good health!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
So, i spoilt her more .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Especially a lifetime of it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She found it foreign!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Was to survive, this bastard.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was very sick at this time too.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!